Komm, Susser Todd
by kakite
Summary: Inuyasha goes too far for Kagome safety and ends up hurting her instead. Now he's faced with an opponent he can't win against. Inu/Kag, rated for disturbing themes.
1. The Pencil

**Komm, Susser Todd**  
_Chapter 1: The Pencil_   
  
_

I know, I know I've let you down   
I've been a fool to myself   
I thought that I could live for no one else   
  


_ ~   
  
Kagome stepped out of the well and glanced around the familiar shed. She sat on the edge of the well, wiping away her tears. It was dark outside and the stars twinkled through the cracks in the shed. Stepping outside into the cold night, Kagome shivered and walked towards the house. As if changing her mind, she took a right into the forest, heading into the dark depths.   
  
Kagome propped her exhausted body against a tree, and once again her tears began to flow. Bringing her knees up into her chest and clutching them tight, she sobbed into them. Always thinking that Inuyasha might actually care, Kagome had feared that this day would come, when Inuyasha completely denounced all feeling for her. Cold, hopeless and broken hearted, the miko sat, surrounded by uncomfortable silence.   
  
~ _   
  


But now through all the hurt and pain   
It's time for me to respect  
The ones you love mean more than anything   
  


_ ~Flashback~   
  
Inuyasha sat in his favorite tree, staring off into the distance. Kagome had made up her mind to tell him how she felt, and had been thinking about it all day. She would just walk over, call him down, and tell him. It was all planned out.   
  
Walking over she called to him.   
  
"Inuyasha. Can you come down for a minute?"   
  
Inuyasha jumped down from his perch, seeming a little miffed.   
  
"What do you want, woman." He stated flatly.   
  
"Inuyasha.... I...." She stuttered, knowing she would have trouble with it when it came down to it.   
  
"Inuyasha I love you." Finally managing to blurt it out, Kagome blushed deeply waiting for a response.   
  
Inuyasha's eyes at first were filled with hope, but then clouded over again with sadness. _ What am I thinking?! It would never work anyway, every demon that is already after me would be after her too...._   
  
"Sumimasen.... But I still love Kikyo...." Inuyasha lied quickly, breaking his heart into a thousand pieces at having to say such words to the woman he loved.   
  
Kagome gasped. Her breath was short, surely he had to be kidding. Looking at him for reassurance, she met two expressionless orbs.   
  
"I thought maybe you had a heart, or even feelings.... But I was wrong you stupid half breed." Kagome whispered dangerously, not meaning her harsh words. "Maybe if you were full demon you would be over her."   
  
Kagome's words hurt him, but her expression hurt even more. She tried to keep herself from bursting into tears, and you could almost see pieces of her broken heart poking out of her chest.   
  
At that, Kagome turned and ran, she had so many hopes for that moment, she thought he cared. Everything came crashing down.... all because of that woman. _He can have that wretched woman for all I care.... And he's losing his shard detector for good._   
  
~End Flashback~   
  
Having just been rejected by the love of her life, Kagome no longer had the will to live. She went through her pockets absentmindedly searching for something....   
  
~ _   
  


So with sadness in my heart   
I feel the best thing I could do   
Is end it all and leave forever   
  


_ ~   
  
Kagome seemed to find what she was looking for, it was a mechanical pencil, just sharp enough to slit her wrists. She raised the implement to her right wrist and dug it in to her flesh. Blood ran everywhere; she grasped the pencil with the bleeding hand and moved to slit the other wrist. The world was blurring and spinning around her.   
  
~ _   
  


What's done is done it feels so bad   
What once was happy now is sad   
I'll never love again   
My world is ending   
  


_ ~   
  
Kagome never got to the second wrist, she blacked out and slumped forward.   
  
~   
  
Inuyasha jumped. Something was wrong, he could smell blood.... And it was coming from..... the well? He jumped up and was in the well before anyone could ask.   
  
_ I have a feeling that's Kagome's blood...._ The smell increased as Inuyasha went through the well. His nose led him into the forest, he ran with all his might towards it.   
  
A figure was slumped against a tree, surrounded by blood. _ Ka... KAGOME!_ He ran to her side, a little relieved to see that her pulse was still there, and she was still breathing.   
  
Inuyasha saw the pencil in her limp hand and it registered. _ I did this. I broke her heart, and then left her to nothing. _   
~Inside Kagome's mind~   
  
_ Mist.... Blackness.....   
  


I know we can't forget the past   
You can't forget love and pride   
Because of that, it's killing me inside   
  


Kagome's mind wandered. Did she want to die?   
  
_ ~   
  
Inuyasha had wrapped her wounds and was carrying her back to her house quickly. He burst in the back door and ran into her mother's room.   
  
Kagome's mom shot out of bed.   
  
"Who, what, when...." She was cut short by the image that was before her. Her daughter lay unconscious in Inuyasha's arms.   
  
"Oh, my kamis.... What happened...." Her mother whispered in horror.   
  
"She...." _The truth is too terrible....._ "She was nearly killed by a demon."   
  
Higurashi-san was already calling the ambulance to take Kagome away. Inuyasha still clung to the girl in his arms.   
  
He looked down at her troubled face. _ God she's beautiful..... maybe I should tell her.... tell her that I love her. It couldn't do more harm then this. If only she would live through this..... I could make her life worth living._   
  
~   
  
Kagome was on a smooth, dark surface, surrounded by a never-ending darkness. It was cold, and the air was close making her gasp for breath. She couldn't move a muscle and her whole body ached, especially her heart. A soft voice sang in the background.   
  


In my heart of hearts   
I know that I could never love again   
I've lost everything, everything, everything that matters to me,   
matters in this world   
  


'Kagome.....' a voice called. 'He loved you..... you betrayed him'   
  
'He loved KIKYO!' she held.   
  
'He came to find you, after you tried to kill yourself.'   
  
'Nani? I am still alive!?'   
  
'We are here, talking in your mind are we not?'   
  
'You mean he saved me?'   
  
'Hai.' The voice said and was gone.   
  
~   
Yo, kakite here. This is my first ever (well, not first but near first) attempt at angst/traumatic writing. Hope u like it. If you want me to add a prologue to this, then please tell me! Review because I will respond to all questions in reviews in my next chapter. And if I could get a few pre-readers for the next chapter, that'd be great! Arigato, Ja. 


	2. Forgive and Forget?

Background info on Komm, Susser Todd:  
Komm, Susser Todd means "Come, Sweet Death" in German. It was played at the end of the English, "End of Evangelion" when Shinji is trying to strangle Asuka. The song is quite depressing, and I was listening to it when I was suddenly struck by the idea to use it in a fic. The song below was the same song, except the Japanese version and it is a translation of it. This is my first songfic, so tell me what you think.  
  


* * *

**Komm, Susser Todd**  
_Chapter 2_  
  
Inuyasha sat on the edge of Kagome's hospital bed. There were tubes and cords coming out of her body. _ What are they doing to her...._   
  
Kagome's mother sat and watched the sad scene before her. _ I always knew they loved each other... sad that they had to realize it this way. _ Souta and Jii-chan were both in the waiting room as well, blank stares on their faces.   
  
Inuyasha was the only one who knew Kagome's real predicament. _Will she forgive me? After what I did...._ He reached for her hand and kissed it. The flesh was cold and lifeless. _Did you love me enough to end your life? Did I hurt you that much?_ A tear dropped off of Inuyasha's cheek, and he caught it before it hit the ground. _ I am crying.... It has been a long time._   
  
~   
  
_ It can't be..... He can't love me.   
  
But that look that was in his eyes, it was hope!   
  
Then why did he break my heart! How could he hurt me so much.   
  
Because he cares enough that he would give up his happiness to save you.   
  
It didn't save me! I almost killed myself.... And that's not what I would call 'saving.'   
  
He didn't want his enemies to be your enemies as well.   
  
YOU ARE WRONG, HE STILL LOVES KIKYO! I AM NOTHING TO HIM!   
  
~Inuyasha's internal debate~ __

  
  
I feel uneasy.   
I feel uneasy.   
I'm afraid of being hated by everyone.   
I'm afraid of being hurt.   
But I'm more afraid of hurting other people.   
But I end up hurting them.   
I hurt the people I love.   
That's why I won't like people.   
That's why I hurt myself. 

  
  
_ Inuyasha leaned back into his chair. _ Kami, Kagome, wake up! I am afraid... I have hurt you for good this time.   
  


Because I'm scared. Because I hate myself very much.   
  


_ ~   
  
An ominous silence filled the room. The girl on the bed stirred and moaned a little cry of innocence. The cry resonated throughout the room and took effect.   
  
_Kagome...._ Inuyasha was looking down upon her troubled face. _She might be OK._ Her eyes opened and looked back into his.   
  
"You." Kagome whispered, hate filled her voice. "You...."   
  
Inuyasha winced. "Kagome.... I...."   
  
"Go away.... I never want to see your face again."   
  
"But..."   
  
"Go away!" She yelled as loud as she could in her weakened condition. Her eyes filled with tears of loss and heartbreak. Shaking she said the one thing she knew would get him to leave.   
  
"Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit." Kagome recited until a very pained Inuyasha made his way out of the hospital room.   
  
_Inuyasha.... If only you loved me I wouldn't have to hate you.... If only you loved me I would have a purpose in life._ Kagome fell asleep once again, falling into short and disturbing dreams.   
  
~ _   
  
Kagome sat in a bathtub filled with blood. It was her blood, running from open cuts in her wrists. Her body was too weak to move. Blackness filled her mind and her heart slowed. Her pale head slumped forward in exhaustion; all pain left her weak limbs. She took her last breath...   
  
..................   
  
Kagome's mother was kneeling in front of a stone, weeping. Looking closer she realized that her name was on it. 'Here lies Kagome Higurashi, Age 15. Detector of Shikon Shards.' It read. Behind her were Souta and Jii-chan, both looking on in grave silence.   
  
Kagome gasped. Inuyasha was standing on a nearby tree, staring sadly at her grave. His amber eyes were filled with tears.... tears of love and grief.   
  
..................   
  
Inuyasha was propped up on a large rock. A huge wooden stake had been driven through his stomach and he was sitting in a pool of blood. Kikyo stood next to him cackling to herself evilly.   
  
Finally, Inuyasha shall be in hell with me. Kikyo and Inuyasha both vanished into a plume of flames.   
  
~   
  
__Why.... Why did I have to be so cruel, even when it counted most? Am I really that useless?  
  


I mustn't come to like other people.   
That's why I hurt myself.   
Tenderness is extremely cruel.   
If I yield my heart, I will be destroyed.   
If our hearts touch, that person will be hurt. 

  
  
_ Inuyasha ran back to the well and jumped through. Not sure where he was going, he ran aimlessly in the newly falling rain. Trees fell in his path and beasts died. His rage and grief was uncontrollable.   
  
He heard a scream and looked below him. It was Sango on the ground, nearly having been hit by a tree Inuyasha had thrown out of his way.   
  
"INUYASHA!!!" Sango yelled out to him.   
  
He jumped down next to her and waited, expecting something important.   
  
"Inuyasha something is going on. What happened between you and Kagome?" Sango asked, sobbing.   
  
"Feh. That doesn't matter now. Nothing matters." Inuyasha said arrogantly.   
  
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME SOMETHING FOR ONCE! KAGOME IS MY FRIEND AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!" Sango yelled, not able to control her fear and anger any longer.   
  
Inuyasha faked a smirk.   
  
"She told me she loved me."   
  
"NANI! What did you say?" Sango coughed.   
  
"I didn't want to hurt her, so I said I still loved Kikyo."   
  
"NANI! ? ANATA BAKA! You.... You broke her heart, and what did she do?"   
  
"She tried to commit suicide, I saved her just in time." He smirked again, blinking back the tears that were burning his eyes.   
  
Sango was silent. This horrified her, her very own friend had attempted suicide. _ Baka! How could he? Kagome is so kind, and yet he is so cruel. How, and WHY! _   
  
"Why would you tell her that Inuyasha..... She loved you with all of her heart."   
  
"Because no one can love me.... I hurt the people I love." Inuyasha whispered. "Look what happened to Kikyo.... And my mother."   
  
"You hurt her more by lying then you would have telling the truth."   
  
"I know." Inuyasha tilted his head downward, making his eyes unreadable.   
  
"Why don't you go back and tell her the truth then."   
  
Inuyasha was silent. Kagome had told him to go away, she did not forgive him, why should she? After all he had done, after all he had said to her, why should anyone forgive him?   
  
"I tried, she pushed me away." Inuyasha whispered just loud enough for Sango to hear.   
  
"Oh, Inuyasha." Sango whispered soothingly, attempting to hug him. He stepped out of her reach.   
  
"Go away. I need to be alone."   
  
At that, Inuyasha stood and ran. Coincidentally, he ended up in front of the well. Stopping, he gazed into it. _ One more try...._ He jumped in and was whisked away to Kagome's time. He stepped lightly out and ran towards the house. The hospital must have released her because her scent hung strongly around the house. _ Kagome.... _   
  
He jumped into her window to see her tucked into her bed, sleeping lightly. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he felt her twitch. Waking with a start, she looked wildly around.   
  
"I told you to...."   
  
  
  
On quite a suspenseful note, I shall end it here. The next chapter will be the last, making this the first fic I have ever finished, yay! Anyway, please review. I am not sure whether to conclude this depressing fic with a depressing ending though it makes a lot of sense. Please share your thoughts. Arigato, Ja. ^-^ 


	3. Arigato

**Komm, Susser Todd**  
Chapter 3: Arigato   
"I told you to...."   
  
Inuyasha, whose lips were now pressed against hers, quickly silenced Kagome. When she realized what was happening, she quickly pushed him away.   
  
"Go away, I told you to go away." Kagome said, trying to hold the dam of tears that threatened to break. "Am I just something for you to fall back on in case Kikyo fails? What do you take me for anyway? I may be human, but I am not an idiot."   
  
"But... Kagome...." Inuyasha sighed.   
  
"No. You Know what? No 'buts.' You have gone too far this time, and I am _not_ coming back. If I could seal the well off I would, but unfortunately that option is not open right now. NOW, WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE YOU HURT ME MORE THEN YOU ALREADY HAVE!" Tears were now streaming down Kagome's face as she raised her voice.   
  
Inuyasha cringed. _ Wait.... What if she doesn't forgive me.... What if I really have gone too far this time.... _ The hanyou closed his eyes in anticipation.   
  
"Kagome, I love you." This was the hanyou's last weapon, and he prayed that it would be effective.   
  
Silence. The young girl sat on her bed in deep thought, Inuyasha waiting for her reaction. Shifting, Kagome looked down at her lap as tears began to stream down her face at an alarming rate.   
  
_I know I am just the second for him, something to fall back on. He is such a player, how could he do such cruel things to my heart if he actually loved me. How could you hurt me like that Inuyasha? You were the one, the one I loved so much....._ Kagome was now gazing out of her window.   
  
Looking down on the ground from two stories up, the young girl was struck by an idea. _If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. _ At that thought, she lunged out of the window after whispering a 'goodbye.' Before Inuyasha could even register what this meant, he saw her disappear over the windowsill.   
  
He was on the ground, now looking down upon an unconscious girl, tears in his beautiful eyes. _ I could have saved her this time.... I could have saved her. _ Kagome's condition was critical, after Inuyasha was done mentally scolding himself, he was running to the hospital in which Kagome had been held last.   
  
The sight of a silver haired man in a red kimono and ears bursting through the hospital doors made everyone in the hospital drop into an eerie silence.   
  
"HELP!!!! THIS GIRL IS ABOUT TO DIE!" Inuyasha yelled, slapping one of the doctors to his wits. "KAGOME NEEDS HELP!"   
  
Everything seemed to register in the doctor's mind, and he was quickly rolling Kagome down the hall in a stretcher in no time.   
  
"NURSE!" The doctor yelled as he rolled Kagome into a small white room, speaking to a lady in a white dress. "She is suffering from internal injuries, some broken bones, and possibly some form of blood poisoning. Her condition is critical, we need to work fast.   
  
Inuyasha sat in the waiting room quietly. _ Should I tell her family? Would they want to know that she tried to commit suicide both times? It was my entire fault. If I had just told her the truth none of this would have happened._   
  
Needing to let off some of his depression, Inuyasha ran all over the city. He ran as fast as he could, weaving unnoticed through the endless traffic of these boxy metal things people in this time liked to call "cars." _ How can those three little words do so much damage... Or the lack of those words. After I lied to Kagome about Kikyo.... She seemed so broken inside.... Her normal smile was gone and her usual lively eyes were replaced by dark voids. It's like I broke her soul.... No one should have the right to do that. If only she would forgive me, then I could lift the cloud that I have cast over her heart and soul and let her be free again. I want to see her smile again, to hear her laugh. The kind soul I once knew has been stolen, by ME. _   
  
~Kagome's point of view~   
  
_ So dark. Where is this place?   
  
Oh.... Now I remember, I tried to commit suicide again. I guess I was not successful considering I'm not in heaven. How hard could such a feat be? There must be someone up there that isn't finished with me yet. No, I guess I will be forced to remain in this pitiful world, stuck with a broken soul. That night..... When Inuyasha told me that he loved Kikyo, it turned my soul from white to black, turned my manner from light to dark. My hopes and dreams relied on that moment... I was so sure, sure that he would feel the same way. I was wrong. He is still hung on that damn bag of rocks that calls herself a woman. Perhaps I am left here to seek revenge on her. Perhaps it is my duty to rest this horrible walking priestess once and for all.   
  
And HOW may I ask could that hanyou tell me that he LOVES me after telling me he loved Kikyo. Does he take me for an idiot? I gave him his chance, I told him how I felt and he didn't take it. He said he loved Kikyo instead of me. KAMIS she's DEAD! I am ALIVE and want him here with me in the waking world, and not in hell. It makes me wonder.... All those years ago, how did they fall in love? They were so different...._   
  
~Back with Sango, Miroku and Shippo~   
  
"Perhaps we should intervene?" Said a worried monk.   
  
"This seems to be serious." Sango said thoughtfully, glancing at a dozing Shippo. "That baka..... how could he lie to her?"   
  
"I believe that perhaps it is up to Inuyasha now to bring Kagome back to her normal self." Miroku's eyes were downcast and serious.   
  
~   
  
_Why, Kagome.... Why don't you believe me? Is your soul something I can't fix once I've broken it? Chikuso...._ Inuyasha was back in the hospital room holding Kagome's hand gently. She was ok now, the doctors had worked a long time, but she was going to be ok. _Not inside...._ Inuyasha told himself sadly.   
  
The scene began to look all to familiar, Kagome laying in the hospital bed, Inuyasha next to her. Then Kagome began to wake up.   
  
"Inu... yasha...?" Kagome whispered weakly, blinking her eyes in a vain attempt to focus them.   
  
"I'm right here." Inuyasha squeezed her hand slightly.   
  
"Why did you lie to me?" she whispered.   
  
"For your safety." he whispered back.   
  
Kagome just smirked a disturbing smirk and looked around at the hospital room she was currently in. "Safety, eh? Yet I still ended up getting hurt. Ironic isn't it? You can't protect me from myself, how does that feel? Something you can't win against because it's not really an opponent."   
  
"Chotto...." Inuyasha tried to cough something out, but decided against it because tears were now flowing down his face. "Gomen."   
  
"Whenever I heard about those attempted suicides on TV, I never though that could be me. I never considered myself the kind of person that would do that to myself. Then, when you told me that you loved Kikyo, I collapsed inside. I hope you know that you broke me that day, Inuyasha, and broken things can never be fully repaired." Kagome was crying now too.   
  
Then, to the surprise of Inuyasha, Kagome lifted his head up and looked deep into his eyes as if looking for something. Finding it, she pulled his face closer and kissed him.   
  
"You've got a lot of making up to do." She whispered into his ear as he hugged her gently.   
  
"Arigato, Kagome.... Arigato gozaimasu."   
And this tale end here. Hope you enjoyed this fanfic, tell me if you want it continued, just 5 people telling me to continue and I will. Man, I was close to tears while writing this, I hope it was the same for you. Please tell me what you thought. Arigato, Ja ne.   
  
~kakite 


End file.
